January 8, 2007
The Divine Worship of Lord Netgod Nod
In other words, this site is absolutely, irrevocably, undeniably and completely – without a doubt – false. What I (a suitable title should be suggested; I favour Speaker myself) attempt here is an exercise, nay, an experiment in the human capacity to believe in what is by the way absolutely, irrevocably, undeniably and completely untrue.
What I try to say, in short, is that I am going to invent a cult towards the worship and veneration of none other than the internet. No, wait, add an ‘I’ to that, for this spanking new blog is dedicated to the Internet.
What is a cult anyway? This being in worship to the Internet, there can be no other attempt at definition by any site other than (insert honorific) Google. So open up a new tab, my faithful followers, and type within thy quicksearch window: “define:cult”. What do you mean you have no Firefox? Heresy! Begone foul (I lack imagination for insult) … … … Goat. You repent? Luckily for you, salvation is a few simple mouseclicks away. Download Firefox here and guarantee yourself a spot in the yet to be decided mode of afterlife.
Didn’t understand the last seven words of the previous sentence? Fear not, for enlightenment awaits: In the beginning is the Question. What is religion? Working on the (probably personal) theory that religion is the act of a person (or persons) successfully imposing beliefs upon the unsuspecting masses, I make the presumption that the power and gospel Lord Netgod Nod, being ‘god’ of the Internet would come from no other source but the You. It was the masses that launched the incredible success of the Net and you, my faithful fellow devotee, are a Mass. Metaphorically.
So what do you do to [show your devotion to/shape the theoretical future of/point and laugh at] (cut those that do not matter) an as yet inexistant false god of an imaginary network of especially fragile electrical sparks zipping along around the world? Simple. Just comment.
What I (representing fictional Nod) want are the building blocks to a religion – ideal or otherwise. Commandments. Theology. Funky quasi-religious terms. Symbology.Heresy. Naturally, keep it kiddy safe and as minimally insidious as possible – no specific insults to anyone/ any particular religion, you know, stuff like that. Personally I doubt that this project will ever take off, but if it does, remember kids, Nod is Not Real.
And now I’ll start off with the First Fact of Nod: Nod allows all.
The catch? Your government does not. Boo hoo.
